4 simple steps to stop your self-doubts

Your self-doubts are not the truth. That’s why it is time to stop your self-doubts!

Yup, you read that right. The thoughts you have been experiencing that are getting you down, holding you back from living your life and just making you hate yourself? Not true. Lies. Total bullshit.

Now there is no need to beat yourself up for believing those lies. It is completely understandable that you believe them, and you are more than definitely not the only one with this problem. But the best thing is: You CAN change this situation. You have the choice to stop believing them. And then, you can stop them from existing. Get ready to say bye bye to your self-doubts, because we are about to squeeze the life out of them!

What are self-doubts?

Before we dive into how to get rid of the self-doubts, we first must truly understand them and where they come from.

I define two different types of self-doubts; temporary self-doubts and permanent self-doubts.

Temporary self-doubts are your negative self-talk sessions you have once in a while, when something went wrong or you did a mistake. You can be a confident person who’s usually free of self-doubts and still experience negative self-talk from time to time. It’s okay. We all are allowed to have our “weak moments”, even though it is not optimal. Check out this article to learn how to still stop.

It’s when negative self-talk turns into a habit and finally into a belief that it becomes a real problem.

Then we arrive at the permanent self-doubts. They are the beliefs you hold about yourself that keep you down and small, that limit you and prevent you from living your true potential and showing the world what you’ve got.

So let’s dive a little deeper into what beliefs are and where they come from so that we can understand them and learn how to get rid of them to set an end to self-doubts.

What are beliefs?

Think of a thing you do every day. Basic example: brushing your teeth in the morning.

You started doing it because your parents taught you so, then you continued doing it every day, and once you had done it often enough, it turned into a habit. When this happens, you now do it automatically as a routine, and you don’t have to think about it anymore.

Beliefs are like habits.

Beliefs are thoughts that you have had often enough that they turned into a general belief, just like an activity turns into a habit.

And the tricky part here is: Just as you don’t think through an activity that has already turned into a habit, you stop questioning the thoughts you’ve had often enough, and the belief they turn into is unaware. It is just there in your head and in everything that you do without you even noticing it.

That’s why we experience self-doubts. They come from bad beliefs about ourselves that we have built throughout years or maybe months without being consciously aware of it.

Before we dive into how to release those beliefs, let’s analyze where those beliefs come from.

Why do we have bad beliefs about ourselves?

The process of building beliefs already starts in your childhood. Every time somebody told you you should stop screaming or running or playing or whatever else because you were annoying somebody, you learnt something:

You make people unhappy when you do this. You are bad when you do this. Stop doing it.

So you may or may not have stopped your activity, but in the end, you got the message that you are not liked when you do certain things.

An example…

Maybe your mother did not take you with her to the grocery store because you annoyed her last time by running around too much. You’re not invited to join her anymore. You are sad and regret what you did. What you did was “bad”. So now you are not good enough anymore to be invited to the grocery store. You feel bad and unwanted.

And that’s how it started in your early childhood. You concluded that you are not wanted when you are you. It continues throughout your life; every time you do a mistake, you beat yourself up, every time you fail, you may conclude you are not good enough etc. It always goes back to you. You believe something is wrong with you. And that belief creates your self-doubts.

How to stop your self-doubts

The process you need to follow to stop your self-doubts looks like this: You first analyze what triggers them, then, you can find out how they manifest in your life, and after that, you dig deeper and ask yourself what thoughts you are having and identify the belief that creates them, to then finally work on changing that belief.

IMPORTANT: When you try this process, and it DOESN’T work, then DON’T just give up, but read until the end where I explain what you can do!

1. How do your self-doubts manifest in your life?

The first step you need to take to stop your self-doubts is to actually spot them and acknowledge them as self-doubts. There are different ways of how self-doubts are manifesting in your life. Some possible examples:

• procrastination
• laziness
• overeating, overnetflixing, over- everything
• staying in your comfort zone
• general bad mood
• denying big opportunities
• debts
• coming up with excuses for not doing something
• no willpower or energy
• not caring for your body and health
• …

2. What situations triggers your self-doubts?

Now that you’ve found them, take a moment to find out what triggers them usually. What situations in life trigger the self-doubts you are experiencing? When do they appear? Here are some possible examples:

• somebody asks something from you
• meeting new people
• you need to do something you’ve never done before
• going to a place you have had bad experiences with in the past
• going to a new, unknown place
• no identifiable trigger
• you see some photo on Instagram
• you meet someone you’re envious of
• …

3. What thoughts are you having in those situations?

What are the thoughts that trigger the action you take? Here are some possible self-doubts:

• I cannot to this
• people will think I am weird
• this is just not for me
• Why would anybody listen to me?
• Nobody will like me
• I am not ready
• People will laugh at me
• I’m doing it wrong, that’s why it is not working
• It’s my fault that he or she is feeling bad
• I better don’t try
• …

4. Identify the belief your self-doubts are built on

To stop your self-doubts, you must first identify them. So the next time you catch yourself thinking one or some of these thoughts, or other self-doubts, stop for a second and ask yourself:

“What do I believe that gives me this thought?”

To give you some more help on this, here are examples for the most common self-doubts.

First, I give you the example belief, then I give you some solving thoughts. After this, there is a new belief for you that you can start to practice right away by using the affirmation below.

To learn more on affirmations and how to use them, check out this post.

The most common self-doubts analyzed and solved

“I failed last time. I should not try again. This is just not for me.”

Belief: Failure is bad. Mistakes are bad. When you do a mistake, you are a failure and you should not try again.

Solution: You absolutely should fail. Failure is the best way to learn. Anybody who has ever been successful has definitely failed more than once. Ask the successful people you know. I am sure they will be willing to tell you about their failures.

New belief: Failure makes you grow more than anything else. Dare to fail.

Affirmation: “I allow myself to make mistakes and fail to grow better and stronger.”

“This is not good enough”

Belief: Perfect is the only good enough.

Solution: If everybody thought like this, we still would be sitting around in our caves trying to build that perfect bonfire, while freezing our asses off and dying from cold. When I follow that logic, then we would maybe even be extinct.

Nothing in this world is perfect, so don’t expect from yourself something nonexistent. Strive to be your best version, not perfect.

New belief: There is no perfect thing in this world, and there is nobody who sets standards for anybody. Everybody is free to live their own qualities and set their own standard.

Affirmation: “I am fine the way I am and I am always good enough.”

“I am not ready for this. I don’t have enough knowledge.”

Belief: You can only do things you are good at, else leave it to somebody else.

Solution: You cannot be good at something without learning it. It is normal to struggle in the beginning. You learn in the process of DOING it. So just DO IT. The knowledge will build. Also, nobody else knows what they are doing before they do it. Nobody has a better idea than you.

New belief: Knowledge is built through doing.

Affirmation: “I am open to learning more in the process. I trust the process of learning.”

“I have no talent for this, so I should not do it.”

Belief: Talent is inherent and you should always do what you are good at. You need to have talent to be allowed to do something. If you don’t have natural talent, you’re never going to be as good as those who have it.

Solution: Talent is optional. You don’t need it to be good. The only thing talent does is making it easier to manage a task FAST. When you’re not talented, you can be equally as good, or even better if you are willing to put the efforts in. Truth is, you even grow more when you have to work hard for something than the people with a lot of talent, because they are more likely to be lazy.

New belief: True success is built through commitment and work.

Affirmation: “I can achieve everything I want to and I am willing to work for it.”

He or she is better than me. I let him or her do it.

Belief: Everybody else can do it better than me.

Solution: We’re all humans, we’re all equal, and you are the one who decides that everybody else is better than you or not. Like this, you may never get out and show your potential. Stop measuring your potential and skills based on other people. Stop the comparing. Do YOUR thing.

New belief: Everybody has unique gifts, so you are your only competitor.

Affirmation: “I am unique and I use my potential to be my own best.”

If this process does not work for you

No worries. If this process doesn’t work, then your self-doubts may reside even deeper. When this is the case, your entire mindset is built on them, and you probably believe that you just “don’t have it”, and success and happiness is just not meant for you. But you can still stop them.

But here’s a thought I want to give you:

If others are able to do something… why not you?

Give me one valuable reason that does not envolve any “I can’t”, “I am not good enough”, “it’s just a fact”… can’t find any? Good, because there aren’t any.

If they can do it, you can do it!

Here’s another thought:

You are the only you there is, and this world NEEDS your gifts. Don’t hide it away under your self-doubts.

New belief for you: You are fine the way you are, you are beautiful and unique, and all the possibilities in the world are out there, waiting for you to be taken.

Affirmation: “I am fine the way I am, I am unique and I am ready to give my unique gifts to the world. “

How to find the strength and energy to fight your self-doubts

This whole process might sound a little overwhelming, so I am here to tell you that that’s completely normal. When you are doubting yourself, you are probably doubting that you are able to make an actual change and get rid of the self-doubts. So here is what you need to give you enough strength and energy to stop your self-doubts:

Self-love.

And for this, I strongly advise you to check out my posts on self-love and subscribe to my newsletter in which I give you weekly tips.

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We wanted to stop your self-doubts so you can start to break through your limits and start giving your gifts to this world, so it does not miss out on you.

So we discussed how self-doubts are developed, where they come from and how to solve them.

First, analyze the trigger, second, learn to detect them by analyzing your actions and your thoughts. Third, find out the belief they are based on and finally, switch the belief to a new one by using and implementing a daily affirmation and switching your way of thinking.

Now make it great and stop your self-doubts once and for all!

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If you have any more ideas or want to know even more examples, feel free to write a comment or write me an e-mail at info@claudiableser.com!